Chapter 154 - Moving Out

Bewildered by Cate's reaction, Jon stared open-mouthed at her. Cate glared defiantly back at him, her eyes glistening, her chest heaving, her fists balled up at her sides. She saw a flicker of hurt in Jon’s eyes at her harsh words, then they narrowed as the storm clouds of his temper began to roil their deep indigo blue. With a frustrated snort Cate spun away, turning her back to him.

Blinking furiously as tears flooded her eyes Cate jerked one of the frames from the box and reached for the wall. Her hands trembled as she tried to guide the wire onto the nail. “This is still MY office, Damnit!” she choked out. “I AM coming back.”

Jon froze at Cate’s comment, halting his own sharp response to her snarling rebuke. Suddenly he understood.

She wasn’t upset with him for taking down her photos. She was overwhelmed by the change that was happening so fast. Change that he had orchestrated and set into motion. Cate felt like she had lost control, and that scared her. She had been trying to hide it from him, trying to keep her turmoil under wraps by refusing his help, but she couldn’t contain it any longer.

Jon’s anger abruptly retreated, replaced by a pang of sympathy. This was obviously harder for Cate than he had realized. She was doing more than just boxing up her belongings for storage. She was symbolically closing a chapter of her life. One she hadn’t expected to end quite so suddenly or so soon. One she wasn’t quite ready to let go of just yet.

Slowly Jon backed away from Cate, retreating to her desk. Leaning against its edge he crossed his arms over his broad chest. He watched her silently, waiting, knowing she would reveal the reason for her outburst once she calmed down.

Cate fought back her tears as she carefully replaced the pictures on the wall. She could feel Jon’s eyes on her as she moved but she didn’t detect a sting of haughty indignation, like she expected. She knew she deserved at least a “Fuck You, Cate” from him after the way she had just about taken his head off.

Finally succeeding at re-hanging the pictures, Cate sucked in a deep breath. She reached out to straighten the Gore photo then let her hand fall limply to her side. A tear slid down her cheek as she stared silently at the wall.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a long pause, still looking at the gallery of images that chronicled her life. “I…” Cate’s gaze dropped to the floor as she raised a hand to wipe away her tears. “I’m a bitch. You didn’t deserve that.”

With a tender smile Jon pushed away from the desk and moved over to Cate. Stepping up behind her, he slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. “It’s okay, Cate,” he murmured in her ear, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I get it.”

Unable to speak, Cate nodded silently, her tears now flowing freely. She choked out a little sob as Jon guided her with gentle hands to turn toward him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest.

Jon hugged her tightly, rocking Cate gently back and forth as she let out her emotion. “I’m sorry, Baby,” he said quietly. “It’s my fault.”

“No,” she sniffled, shaking her head against his chest. “You were just trying to help.”

“Not the pictures. The whole thing. The movie. The Tech Advisor job. Hollywood. It’s my fault all this was sprung on you so fast.” Jon’s voice was soft and regretful. “It really wasn’t fair. I should have told you what I was trying to do. Given you some time to adjust to the idea.”

Cate drew in a shuddering breath then exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself. “No, Jon. It’s not your fault,” she repeated wearily. She raised her face from his now-soggy t-shirt and sniffled again. “I didn’t have to say yes. It was my decision.”

“That’s true,” Jon conceded, raising a hand to gently brush a stray tear from her cheek. “But I’m glad you did.”

“So am I. I really am,” Cate answered earnestly. “Jon, I want to be with you, so much…” She trailed off, taking another deep breath. “….So much it scares me,” she admitted in a husky whisper. “It’s… it’s so fast.”

Jon nodded. “And the last time you did something this impulsive it didn’t work out,” he finished for her.

Cate dropped her head against Jon’s chest. “Yeah,” she whispered hoarsely in reply. She was quiet for a pause before continuing. “I gave up one career for the sake of a relationship….” She stopped, not wanting to continue.

And you won’t give up another, Jon finished silently. His heart clenched at her unspoken words, even as he realized he didn’t want her to sacrifice so much for him.

“Cate, look at me.” Jon ordered softly. He waited until she raised her face to his. “I promise you, I will never ask you to give up your career for me. That has never been my intention, despite that stupid shit I said when we had that fight in the mat room.”

He paused, giving her a tender smile. “The truth is I respect you, Cate. You are so strong, so independent, so brave… Christ, you’re SO much braver than I will ever be. And I swear I will never try to change any of that.” He brushed a gentle hand over her cheek. "Baby, I know it won’t be easy but we’ll figure out a way to make it work. One step at a time.”

Cate smiled gratefully through her tears. “Thank you,” she answered softly. “It’s just…” She took a deep breath and looked around her office, her eyes sliding over the walls and furniture like they were old friends. “I love it here… this place, these guys. I love being an instructor. And when I come back…” Her voice wavered and she swallowed hard. “When I come back… this won’t be mine anymore. This office, this job…” Again she trailed off, her throat closing with emotion.

“Cate…” Jon’s voice was quiet and comforting. “You still belong here. You’re just going away for awhile.” He gave her another gentle smile. “Look, think of it like this. This is your family, right? Floyd’s the Papa, the guys are your pain-in-the-ass Brothers…” He paused as Cate chuckled softly at his description. “And you’re the Big Sister, finally moving out into a place of your own. You’re still part of the family….” He paused again for dramatic effect and gave her a wink and a grin. “You just don’t have to share a bathroom anymore.”

Jon’s analogy was rewarded with a husky laugh and a wistful smile from Cate. He gave her a little squeeze, reaching up to stroke her hair as she again dropped her cheek to his chest. With a smile in his voice he continued his tale. “And you’ve got this great new job… You’re gonna kick some ass and take some names, show the Boys how things are really done. But first you’re gonna take a little vacation. You’re gonna go lay on the beach, get a great tan, hang out with an awesome guy…” He chuckled as he described himself. “… and have a little fun teaching some goofy movie stars how to act like cops.”

Jon pulled back from Cate enough to smile down at her, reaching up to touch the tip of her nose with a gentle finger. “And when you come back and move into your new place I’ll carry all the boxes. Then I’ll sit on the couch and watch you put everything away because you won’t let me touch anything.”

His gentle sarcasm made Cate laugh. Raising a hand to swipe away the last tears from her lashes, Cate smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be all weepy-girly. All this just kinda got to me.”

“I know, Baby,” Jon pressed a kiss against her forehead then gave her a silly grin. “Jeez, good thing I have such a big Rock Star Ego, or I’d be worried you were crying because you HAD to spend the next few months with me!” His tease evoked another melodic chuckle from Cate. Jon reached up to stroke her cheek. “So, no more tears, huh?”

“No more,” Cate agreed. She accepted his kiss then gave him another hug before pulling away from his embrace and turning face the wall of photos. She took a deep breath, hesitating.

Recognizing she needed a moment to herself, Jon moved for the door. “Hey, I’m gonna carry these boxes out to the car, ‘kay?”

Cate nodded, glancing at him. “Okay.” She watched Jon as he squatted to pick up three boxes then backed out the door.

When Jon returned several minutes later Cate was still standing motionless in front of her “I Love Me” wall, the frames still in their places. He could read the conflict in her expression.

“Leave them up,” Jon urged gently. “They’ll be here when you come back.”

Cate stood silent for a minute, then nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she agreed quietly.

With a gentle hand at the small of her back Jon guided Cate toward the door. She leaned down to pick up the duffel containing her items from the locker room and Jon stooped to pick up the remaining boxes that were stacked by the door. “That everything?” he asked, stepping through the door into the hallway.

Cate took one last look around the room before nodding. She paused for one more second before flicking the switch to turn off the light. With a sad smile she pulled the door closed behind her as she followed Jon into the hallway.