Chapter 139 - Goodbye



FRIDAY

Cate drew in a deep breath and pulled the zipper on her bag closed. She paused for a moment before raising her eyes to Jon’s. It was finally time. The moment she had dreaded was here.

When she had awakened at dawn this morning it had taken every ounce of strength she could muster to pull away from Jon. They had both slept fitfully through the night; every time Cate had moved Jon had instinctively tightened his embrace around her, keeping her cradled against his chest. When she finally realized she had to leave their bed, Jon had whispered against her hair. “Don’t go.” Her heart clenched at the words.

After finally extricating herself from Jon’s embrace, Cate had hurried into the bathroom. She took an extra-long time there, pretending to take care of her morning necessities. In reality she had stood staring at her reflection in the mirror, summoning her courage to face the inevitable.

When Cate had finally emerged from the bathroom she found the bed empty. Noticing the door to the small deck was open, Cate moved over to it and peeked outside. She saw Jon, clad only in his faded Levi’s, leaning against the rail. A gentle breeze stirred his hair as he gazed out at the ocean. Cate could tell he knew what was about to happen.

Turning away from the door, Cate had set about her tasks. She dressed quickly in last night’s jeans and t-shirt, then gathered her toiletries from the bathroom. Setting the small bag on the bench beside her duffel, Cate stooped to retrieve her range bag from under the bench.

After checking to be sure her gun and other gear were secure inside the bag she took one last look around the bedroom. Her eyes lingered on the bed’s rumpled sheets. She could still see the impression of Jon’s head on his pillow. She looked away, returning her attention to the task of packing.

Cate had felt Jon’s gaze on her back even before she heard him softly clear his throat. She didn’t look up as she heard him move toward her, then past her. She continued to focus on packing her duffel as Jon sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. He didn’t speak.

Though she felt like a woman being led to the gallows, Cate was strangely calm. She subconsciously knew her reaction was conditioned; years of experience and training had taught her to react to a stressful situation with detachment and focus. That was how she had survived years in war zones and in the field. It was how she would survive this moment.

Zipping her bag closed, Cate swallowed hard then looked up to Jon. Their eyes met for a long moment then Cate smiled sadly. “I have to go,” she said softly.

“Stay a little longer.” Jon’s voice was husky, laden with sadness.

Cate shook her head slightly in response. “I can’t. I have to go home and get dressed. I can’t be late to graduation. Neither can you.”

Cate had purposely failed to bring one of her suits to Jon’s villa, making it necessary for her to return to her own home to get dressed for the ceremony. She knew she would need the time alone to get control of her emotions, to stuff her feelings into a box. She would deal with them after he was gone, when she was alone. She had to say her goodbye now, get it over with, and start to move on. It was the only way she would be able to survive spending the rest of the day with him, watching their last minutes tick away.

She gave Jon another, slightly brighter smile. “I’ll see you in just a couple hours.” Cate hoped he couldn’t hear her heart breaking.

Jon stared back at Cate, pressing his lips together and swallowing hard. He nodded, then looked down. “Yeah,” he answered hoarsely.

Cate took a breath and moved around the end of the bench to stand beside Jon. She looked down at him, fighting back the urge to reach out and stroke his hair, trace her finger across the line of his jaw, drop her lips to his. “Jon, thank you,” she said softly. “I’ll never forget this. Ever.”

Jon raised his head to look at Cate, his eyes glittering with moisture. He gave her a pained little smile. “Me neither.” He saw her soul’s anguish swirling in her eyes, behind her calm façade. Jon’s heart clenched and his stomach lurched as it took every ounce of his self-control not to drop to his knees and beg her to stay. He had to wait. It was only a matter of hours now.

But she thought this was the end, and it was killing him to see her sorrow.

Cate gave Jon another little smile before she turned away. Jon stood as she picked up her bags from the bench, then followed her from the bedroom through the living room and to the front door. Pausing in the foyer, Cate turned toward Jon and raised her face to his, the slight tremble of her lips betraying her sadness.

Jon reached up with both hands to cup her face, tilting it gently as his soft lips met hers. Their kiss was tender and intimate, and over too soon. Jon reluctantly dropped his hands from Cate’s face and stood gazing at her, his blue eyes shining.

Cate raised her hand to rest gently on Jon’s warm, bare chest, over his heart. She looked at it there for a moment, then raised her eyes to meet his. “Goodbye, Jon,” she whispered.

Then she turned, pulled open the front door, and was gone.

Jon closed his eyes and stood still, fighting back his emotions. He heard her car door close, then the Mustang’s engine roar to life. Turning toward the sound, he took a step forward as he pushed the heavy door closed. Jon dropped his forehead against the polished wood and exhaled a shuddering sigh. He blinked rapidly as the tears he had fought to contain spilled out onto his cheeks while he sent up his prayer. Please God… give her the courage to say yes.

*****
Cate managed to make it all the way home before she allowed herself to think about what was happening. As she drove she talked to herself, going over the schedule for graduation and verbally ticking off a checklist of things she had to do to prepare for her new class on Monday. She had to focus on the normal routine of her life to get herself through this day.

After pulling the Mustang into her garage she carried her bags into the house, started a pot of coffee, went to her closet and picked out a suit to wear to graduation, then tuned her television to The Today Show.

It wasn’t until she stepped into the shower that she let herself go. She squeezed her eyes closed as in her mind she saw Jon’s beautiful face, the heartache in his expression as he listened to her whispered goodbye. Raising her face to the warm spray, Cate sobbed quietly and let the water wash away her tears.

She gave herself the duration of her shower to cry, then drew in a deep breath. Suck it up, she silently told herself. It’s over. You’ve let it out. Now look forward, not back. You have a job to do. She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

Keeping an eye on the clock, Cate blow-dried her hair, applied a bit of makeup, then padded into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee then forced herself to eat a small container of yogurt, though she had no appetite. She stared at the television as she ate, not hearing a word of what was being said by the news anchors.

After finishing her breakfast Cate went to the bedroom and dressed in a crisp white blouse and her dark navy suit. She threaded her belt through the loops on her trousers and the slots of her holster, securing her Glock on her hip. Cate stepped into her shoes, then turned to look at her reflection in the mirror, evaluating her appearance. Though there was sadness in her gaze, she didn’t look too bad. At least nobody would be able to tell she had been crying.

Realizing she had forgotten her jewelry, Cate moved to her dresser. She picked up her small silver hoop earrings from where they lay on the dresser's top and poked the posts through the holes in her lobes. Then she lifted the lid on her jewelry box.

Cate froze when she saw the sterling cross Jon had given her resting in one of the little velvet-lined cubbies. Her hand trembled slightly as she reached out to touch it, her fingertips caressing the smooth metal as tenderly as they had caressed his skin.

She picked up the necklace and with a deep breath fastened it around her neck.

Then with one final glance in the mirror, she turned and left the room, headed for work.

*****

As she pulled the Mustang into her parking space at the Firearms Training Branch, Cate was met with a welcome sight. Danny was sitting alone on the picnic table under the small patio, having a morning smoke. He looked roguishly handsome in his navy dress pants and white shirt, the tail of his red tie tossed back over his left shoulder as he sat hunched forward on the table's top with his feet on the bench.

Cate climbed out of her car, grabbed her range bag and wandered toward him.

“Hey, Slick.” Even though Danny’s back was to her as she approached, he knew she was there. His voice was gentle but not sympathetic. He knew she would have no patience for his compassion.

“Hey,” she answered quietly, dropping her bag on the table and climbing up to sit beside him. She reached out to take the cigarette from between Danny’s fingers and raised it to her lips. She took a drag then handed it back to him as she held the smoke in her lungs for a minute before slowly exhaling.

Danny grimaced slightly at the rosy stain her lip gloss left on the cigarette’s filter. He chuckled quietly and shook his head as he pulled it to his lips. “Thanks. I forgot my lipstick today,” he teased with gentle sarcasm. “But it’s not my shade.”

Cate arched an eyebrow at him. “What, that color doesn’t look good on your collar?” she replied with equal sarcasm.

Danny chuckled again as he turned his face toward her, his eyes searching hers. “So?” he asked quietly.

Cate dropped her gaze from his, fluttering her lashes slightly. She let out a tired sigh. “It’s over,” she answered flatly. “I told him goodbye.”

Danny watched her silently for a moment, reading her reaction. He could see that she may have said goodbye to Jon but she wasn’t even close to letting him go yet. “You okay?” he queried calmly.

Cate snorted softly. “No. But I will be.” She looked back up at her best friend. “Do I have any other choice?”

“Not really.” Danny stared back at her for a minute. “But it’s up to you how you get there.”

Cate’s eyes narrowed slightly as she wondered what her best friend meant by that comment. She remained silent; she didn’t feel like talking about this right now. She was trying to focus on getting through the day ahead.

They sat silent for a moment, Danny watching Cate in his peripheral vision as she stared ahead at the range building across the street, obviously thinking. A tiny wistful smile turned the corner of her mouth upward. “I should kick your ass,” she remarked quietly.

“Why’s that?” Danny responded evenly, taking another drag.

“For letting me get myself into this mess.” There was no anger in Cate’s voice, though her words were accusing. “For letting me fall for him.”

Danny didn’t answer, waiting for the rest of what he knew she was going to say.

A full minute later it came. “And I never really thanked you.” Cate’s voice was more gentle. “For setting this up for me. And for being there for me these last two weeks.” She turned her head to look at Danny, and he tilted his head to meet her gaze. “And for letting me fall for him.” She smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Danny.”

“Welcome.” Danny replied, the gentleness in his voice matching hers. He didn’t need to say anything else. She knew what was in his heart. He smiled and slipped an arm around his friend’s shoulder as Cate leaned toward him. “You’ll be fine.” he murmured.

“Yeah.” Cate replied.

Danny gave Cate’s shoulders a little squeeze, then sucked one last drag from his cigarette. Blowing out the smoke, he spoke. “C’mon, Slick. Let’s go in. I gotta send a couple e-mails before we head over to the auditorium.” Pulling his arm from around Cate’s shoulders, he climbed off the table and deposited his cigarette butt in the can at the corner of the patio.

Cate nodded and climbed down from her seat on the table. She turned and started toward the building’s entrance as Danny fell into step beside her, again slipping his arm around her shoulders and giving her a half-hug. She slid her arm around his waist and together they walked across the grass toward the office door.

4 comments:

  1. *love the story, she said with tears in her eyes*

    oh come on catte, i'm a sucker for happy endings... just saying ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm...If she's really feeling that bad, maybe she'll go along with whatever Jon's got planned after all - depending on what it is of course. LOL

    But damn! If she let's him walk away, she's a hell of a lot stronger than I could ever be!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Catte, you're killing me!!!!!
    *sobbing*

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate it when I have to stop reading.....

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think!