Chapter 93 - Crash Into Me

Cate stalked back and forth in front of Jon for a long moment, then whirled and lunged toward him. She managed to land a blow on his shoulder but Jon reacted quickly, knocking her arms away from his upper body. He swung his leg toward Cate’s hamstring, hoping to deliver a stunning blow to her peroneal nerve, but missed.

His balance faltered for a moment, allowing Cate the chance to renew her attack. Her fist pulled back and clenched, then arced forward toward Jon’s jaw. He again blocked the punch, a little surprised at the force with which her hand met his. Jesus! She was really gonna hit me!

Jon’s hand closed around Cate’s fist and he yanked downward on her arm. Cate stumbled forward as Jon forced her toward the ground with pressure on her arm. But as she was falling, she reached out with her free hand and grabbed at Jon’s ankle. She went down hard, yanking on Jon’s leg and causing him to lose his balance and his grip on her arm. He also tumbled to the mat, falling sideways beside Cate.

Continuing the fight, Cate quickly scrambled to push herself up to her knees, then launched herself toward Jon as he tried to climb to his feet. She knocked him back onto his ass, and shoved him backwards. Reaching for his neck, Cate leaned over Jon, her hands outstretched.

With a lightning-quick response, Jon grabbed Cate’s wrists and yanked hard. She lost her balance and fell forward onto his chest, her eyes flying wide open with surprise. Jon yanked again on Cate’s arms, separating them as he bent one knee and braced his foot against the floor. In a swift, fluid motion Jon rolled to his side, forcing Cate onto her back and pinning her to the floor with his body. Jon forced Cate’s hands to the mat beside her shoulders, preventing her from striking at him again.

Surging with adrenaline, Jon stared down at Cate’s blazing, swirling blue-gray eyes. Her lips were parted as she stared back up at him, her eyes wide with astonishment. Her chest heaved beneath his as he held her down with his weight.

Jon couldn’t stop himself. With a groan he lowered his mouth to Cate’s, sweeping his tongue between her parted lips and over her own. He heard her whimper at the invasion, and he felt her tremble beneath him. He kissed her passionately, then pulled back his face to look into her eyes. He gasped as he saw that they had turned a smoldering shade of midnight.

Jon drew in a shuddering breath. “God, Cate...” he breathed, again lowering his lips to hers. He moaned when he felt her respond, her tongue pushing past his teeth and into his mouth. Jon released his grip on Cate’s hands and braced his left forearm against the floor, raising his chest slightly from hers so that he wasn’t crushing her. His right hand went to Cate’s breast, and he roughly kneaded the firm mound as he kissed her fervently.

“Jon…” Cate gasped against his mouth. Cate moved her hands to Jon’s shoulders and pushed against them, signaling him to raise his body from hers. He complied, pushing up slightly on his forearm as his mouth slipped from hers. Cate moved her hands downward, sliding them under his arms and around the barrel of his chest, to his back. She raised her head slightly to reach his lips, and again their mouths met in an ardent kiss.

Cate’s hands clenched the back of Jon’s t-shirt as she whimpered at the feel of his body on hers. God, he feels so good….

She felt Jon roll sideways, pulling her with him. She braced her foot against the floor and pushed, rolling them completely over until Jon was resting on his back with her on top of him. He raised his head to push up against her lips, increasing the ferocity of the kiss as his hands moved to her hips.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Cate’s brain screamed out as it recovered from the stun of his mouth’s passionate assault. She braced her hands on either side of Jon’s shoulders and pulled her head back, causing their lips to part with a loud, wet smack. Breathing raggedly, she stared down at Jon for a long moment. Oh, FUCK!!!!!

Jon’s heart sank as he saw Cate’s expression turn from desire to panic. She swiftly pushed herself up off of his body, springing to her feet and standing rigidly for a long moment, staring down at him. Jon pushed himself up to sit, giving her a pleading look. “Cate….” he said softly.

Cate backed several steps away from him, then turned her back. Jon watched as her entire body trembled as she drew in several long breaths. He climbed to his feet and stepped toward her. “Cate,” he repeated. He wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms, but he could tell that gesture would not be welcome.

Cate turned to face him, her eyes stormy and her jaw clenched. “GodDAMNIT Jon! What the HELL was that?” she spat accusingly. “What the FUCK was that?”

Jon felt his temper flare. “You know what that was,” he answered evenly but with an edge to his voice. He stared back at Cate as she gave him a fiery glare.

“That was NOT supposed to happen,” Cate snarled. “I warned you. I told you we can’t. I can’t…” Cate’s voice trailed off as she tried to pick the right words from the thoughts swirling madly around her brain, to communicate her frustration and her fear. She drew in another deep, shuddering breath.

Jon stepped toward her, raising his hand. “Cate, please…” He stopped when she backed away and gave him another withering glare. He felt another flash of anger. “Goddamnit, Cate! You kissed me back! What the fuck….” Jon sighed exasperatedly and dropped his head back as he raised his eyes to the ceiling. He closed his eyes for a moment as he drew in a long breath.

Jon leveled his gaze back at Cate’s stormy face. He knew his temper was about to get away from him. And from the look on Cate’s face, she was about to go over the edge, too. But he couldn’t stop the words from coming. “Cate, what the Hell are you afraid of?” he demanded.

Cate’s eyes widened and her lower lip trembled slightly. She stared back at him, her sapphire eyes suddenly liquid with emotion. “What am I afraid of?” she asked accusingly. “What am I afraid of,” she repeated, feeling her anger building. She fixed Jon with a direct look. “I’m afraid of you,” she spat out the sentence, then watched as Jon’s jaw dropped. Well, here we go… it’s out there now…

“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me,” Cate continued, trying to keep her voice from wavering but knowing she was dangerously close to crying hysterically. “I’m afraid of the day you figure out that you can do so much better than me. I’m afraid of the day you get tired of me. I’m afraid of the day you leave me. And more than that…. I’m afraid of the NEXT day, after that, when I won’t want to live without you.” Her voice cracked at the last statement, but she stood firm, staring at Jon. He gaped back at her, mute with surprise.

Cate couldn’t stop. Her fears had found a voice, and now the rest came pouring out, the dark little secrets of her psyche that her mind had used against her after she finally gave in to her heart. “You’re going out to Hollywood, and you’re gonna hang out with all your celebrity friends, with all those beautiful women, and you’re gonna realize that you made a mistake.” Cate’s words tumbled out like a rushing river.

Jon’s heart throbbed at Cate’s pained voice. How could she think that she wasn’t good enough for him? Hell, he was the one who wasn’t good enough for her. “Cate, stop it…” he said quietly.

Cate continued, ignoring his request. “Yeah, maybe I was a fun little diversion for you while you were stuck here in this two-bit town, but I’m not rock star girlfriend material.” Her tone turned bitter. “Guess you’ll have a funny little story to tell your buddies about how you went slumming with some little nobody civil servant while you were learning how to be a pretend cop. ‘But Hey! She used her handcuffs on me and she was great in bed!’ " Cate mimicked the statement as she imagined it in her mind.

“Cate, STOP IT!” Jon interrupted sharply.

Cate’s eyes flew open as she snapped out of her confession. “Why?” she asked cruelly. “Hitting a little too close to home?”

Jon’s temper flared. “What the fuck do you want me to say, Cate?” he swore angrily. “I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times that I want to be with you! I want try to build something between us! You won’t listen!” He exhaled sharply. “Goddamnit, Cate, can’t you see it? I know you can feel it, how I feel about you! You’re in my soul, Cate. My Goddamned SOUL!” Jon’s voice turned husky as his throat tightened.

A little gasp escaped Cate’s lips as she saw the heartache in Jon’s indigo eyes. “But… but we don’t have a choice,” she replied hoarsely. “It’s the way it is. You’re going back to your world, and I’m staying here in mine.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.” Jon answered. “Come with me.”

Cate gave Jon an incredulous look, then snorted derisively. “Yeah, sure.” She shook her head. “I’ll just commute to work, twenty-five hundred miles each way. You know damned good and well that won’t work.”

“Quit.” The word was off Jon’s lips before he could stop it.

Cate inhaled sharply. “What?” she asked, her entire body visibly tensing. “QUIT?” she snarled. “This is my career, Jon! My life! Besides, I have commitments, a mortgage, bills to pay. I’m not a fucking millionaire, like you. I work for a living.”

Jon could tell he had gone too far. He remembered Danny’s warning about not asking Cate to take a leave of absence. Well, he had just done way worse than that. Jon set his jaw and gave Cate a challenging stare. “Quit your job. Come with me. You won’t have to worry about money. I’ll take care of everything.”

“WHAT?!?!” Cate exploded. “You want me to quit my job to follow you to California?” A white-hot rage flooded over her, so intense that for a moment she couldn’t even see. “YOU want ME to leave my career, my friends, my life here, to follow you around?” Her voice was a feral growl, her fury pushing the syllables off her tongue between her clenched teeth. “And you want to PAY me for it? Like some kind of fucking…. fucking PROSTITUTE?!?!”

Jon winced at the word. “Cate, that’s not what I meant…” he tried to backpedal, to correct his mistake.

Cate cut him off. “And just how long am I supposed to service you, Jon? How FUCKING long?!?! Until you get tired of me? Until you trade up for a younger model, maybe some whorish blonde with giant tits and no Goddamn brain who will suck your cock and kiss your ass all day long?”

She was yelling at him now, her fury consuming her, her entire body quivering with rage. “Then what? You put me on a plane back to Georgia with a little cash ‘for the effort,’ and say ‘Have a Nice Fucking Life?’”

“Cate, I didn’t fucking mean…” Jon tried again to interrupt her, his own voice sharp as he raised his tone to compete with her rant.

“Shut up!” Cate snapped. “You egotistical, arrogant prick! You think just because you’re Jon FUCKING Bon Jovi you can have anything… anyONE… you want? Well guess what -- not this fucking time! My heart isn’t for sale!” Cate stood with her fists clenched at her side, her eyes blazing as she glared at Jon.

“You done?” Jon barked back at her. Without waiting for her to answer he continued, yelling back at her. “Every time I think about leaving here, leaving you, getting on that fucking plane at the end of the week….” Jon stopped and swallowed hard, his voice becoming more ragged when he continued. “It’s like a knife in my Goddamned gut when I think about having to walk away from you, Cate! I’ll do anything to keep that from happening. Whether you want to fucking believe it or not!” He stared at her, his eyes burning and his jaw clenched.

Cate’s eyes widened, then she looked away from the painful intensity of Jon’s glare as she sucked in a breath at his words. Jon watched as she slowly exhaled, trying to gather her composure. After a long moment she looked back up at him, tears glittering on her long lashes. When she spoke, her voice was strangled with emotion.

“You know, Jon, you were always the man of my dreams. But now I can’t even look at you.” Cate felt the pain knifing through her heart at the realization.

Jon stared at Cate for a long moment, his lips pressing together into a thin line. Shaking his head, he took two steps backward, then turned and strode for the door. Swooping down to pick up his gear bag as he passed by it, Jon pushed roughly through the mat room door, slamming it behind him.