Chapter 71 - Decision Time

Danny led Cate into the house and to the kitchen. Pulling a bottle of her favorite creamer from the fridge, Danny fixed Cate a mug of coffee. He left her sitting on a stool at the island, sipping the sweet beverage, while he went to her car and retrieved a black gear bag from the trunk.

Like every good federal agent, Cate carried a bag packed with a uniform and essentials for moment’s-notice travel. Danny brought the "go-bag" into the house and set it on the empty stool next to Cate, then ordered her to the shower. Cate nodded gratefully and placed a kiss on Danny’s cheek before heading down the hall to the bathroom.

As Cate undressed in the small bathroom while the water warmed for her shower, her mind flashed back to the events of the previous night. She closed her eyes and sighed, remembering the feel of Jon’s hands and lips on her body. He had brought her to a level of ecstasy she had never imagined possible. She almost didn’t want to wash away his scent, his sweat, his seed.

Her heart twinged. But it’s the first step… she thought. I have to get him off my body, then off my mind, then out of my heart. Cate took a deep breath, then stepped under the warm spray.

Fifteen minutes later she emerged from the bathroom, feeling a little better. She had pulled her wet hair back into a long braid and had slipped into clean undergarments topped by navy-blue range pants and a maroon polo emblazoned with the FTB logo. Cate padded into the kitchen and found Danny standing at the stove, still clad only in his shorts, unembarrassed by his state of undress in front of her. The heavenly aroma of bacon and fried eggs hung in the air.

Danny looked up at Cate and gave her a little grin. “You look a lot better. Much less like shit,” he teased.

Cate smiled. “Thanks. I still look pretty crappy,” she said. “I feel like I haven’t slept in a week.”

Danny slid a fried egg and a couple strips of bacon onto a plate, added two pieces of buttered toast, then set the plate in front of Cate. He poured her a fresh mug of coffee, then fixed himself a plate and settled onto a stool next to her. “So, start at the beginning,” he said quietly, watching her take a sip of the coffee.

“Okay,” Cate agreed softly. She took a bite of toast, then began to talk, once again pouring out her soul to Danny. She told him about her dinner with Jon, and their walk on the beach.

Danny smiled as she thanked him again and again for conspiring with Jon to set up the dinner date, and for preparing Jon’s villa for the amazing evening they spent there. Cate’s face glowed as she told Danny about Jon singing to and with her, and about their early-morning call to Richie. She colored a bit and her eyes grew a little cloudier as she admitted to making out with Jon on the deck, then falling asleep in his arms, to be awakened by the sun.

Danny laughed at Cate’s description of their hung-over morning, and of her deep appreciation for Jon’s choice of underwear. He bit back the urge to make a smart-ass comment about that, sensing that she was working up to what was bothering her.

Cate paused and ate in silence for a couple minutes, then took a long drink of coffee and told Danny about her conversation with Jon over lunch in the village.

Danny raised an eyebrow at Cate. “He wants to see you after he leaves? Like come back here to spend time with you, or have you come visit him?” He let out a low whistle. “Wow, Slick. That’s pretty telling.”

Cate gave Danny a long look, then sighed. “I thought so too, at first. He seems sincere. God knows I’ve torn apart every detail of that conversation and analyzed it up and down. But Danny, you know what will happen. Neither you nor I have ever done long-distance relationships well.” She looked away from Danny, toward the window. “If we had, we wouldn’t be divorced.”

Danny felt a stab of annoyance. He knew Cate was talking about Kevin, not him. After all this time, after all the years she had put up with her ex-husband’s crap, she still felt at least partly responsible for Kevin’s infidelity.

“Cate…” Danny started. He stopped when Cate waved her hand at him, dismissing the comment she knew was coming.

“Danny, don’t,” she said. She was silent for a moment, then continued quietly. “Anyway, I live in the real world. I know there’s no way in Hell a long-distance thing with him would ever work out. Men like Jon Bon Jovi don’t have meaningful relationships with women like me. He’s a rich, handsome international celebrity. I’m an average, plain nobody with a job and a mortgage and a boring, ho-hum life.”

She sighed. “Just how long do you think it’ll take him out there in Hollywood to meet some glamorous, leggy blonde…” Cate paused and drew in a deep breath, remembering the woman in her dream. “…and forget all about me?” she finished softly. She blinked rapidly and Danny saw tears glittering on her lashes as she took another long sip from her coffee mug. “I don’t deserve someone like him,” she murmured, almost to herself.

This time Danny felt the anger in his gut. Fucking Kevin! He honestly hated Cate’s ex-husband with every fiber of his being, not just for how he had screwed around on Cate during their marriage. He hated Kevin for how he had treated her, like someone who was less than his equal. He hated Kevin for how he had made Cate doubt her career choices and her professional abilities. He hated Kevin for the cowardly and cruel way he had ended their marriage. But most of all he hated Kevin for making Cate doubt her worthiness of love, of passion, of devotion. And for that he wanted to hunt Kevin down and put a fucking bullet in his fucking brain.

Now here Cate was, on the verge of something truly special, of literally having her wildest dream come true, and the memory of Kevin was still messing with her head and her heart.

Danny shook his head and took a long drink of coffee, biting back his retort. He knew that if he said anything about Cate’s ex right now, she would just get angry and shut down. Danny swallowed the coffee and took a deep breath. He gave Cate a strained little smile.

“Slick… you deserve someone exactly like him,” he said gently. “And there’s no way in Hell he could… or will… forget about you. Trust me.” Danny reached out and squeezed Cate’s hand as she gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Slick,” she said softly. “But I think we both know that he lives in a different world than we do.”

“Cate, he lives in the same world. He just sees it differently.” Danny replied. “Jon sees what is possible; what he can make happen. You see the obstacles along the way.”

Cate’s eyes widened at Danny’s blunt words. She was silent for a long minute, considering what Danny had said. He’s exactly right… as usual. Then she sighed and shook her head.

Danny sighed too, realizing she wasn’t going to talk about this topic anymore. “So, anyway… after lunch you guys did what?” He wanted to steer her back to the happy thoughts.

Cate smiled. “We went to the beach.” She smirked a little, remembering her encounter with Jon on the sand.

Danny snickered dirtily. “So, you had sex on the beach? How clichéd.”

“No!” Cate retorted, tossing her napkin at Danny. She told him about her afternoon on the beach with Jon, then his evening at the Director’s house while she went home.

She paused and took a deep breath, then told Danny about going back to Jon’s villa. Cate gazed across the kitchen, looking out the window at the lightening sky. She quietly described their conversation on the deck, then the storm, Jon’s pleas for her to stay, and him carrying her into the bedroom and making love to her in that big, beautiful bed.

Danny didn’t say a word, knowing Cate’s narrative was cathartic for her. Holy Shit! he thought again as Cate described in modest detail how Jon had given her the most intense sexual experience of her life. Guess he does live up to that Rock Star image, in more ways than one.

Cate sighed, was silent for a moment, then drew in a deep breath and tensed. Danny saw panic flicker in Cate’s eyes as she described the dream and her reaction to it. Danny nodded understandingly; both he and Cate had had their share of stress- or incident-induced nightmares over their years as cops and soldiers. The dreams could be terrifyingly real.

They had both found the best therapy was to talk about the nightmares, and Danny had served as Cate’s counselor many, many times. But this was the first time she had told him about a nightmare not related to the job.

Cate continued, telling Danny how she had left Jon without an explanation, and how helpless and worried he had looked as she drove away. More tears glittered on her lashes at the end of her tale.

Danny sat silent, waiting for her resolution. He knew there would be one; this was how Cate made all the important, difficult personal decisions in her life. She talked through the story and at the end the answer revealed itself to her. He wondered what it would be.

After a long silence, Cate turned her eyes to Danny’s and took a deep breath. “I have to end it,” she said softly. “I have to tell him, today, that we can only have a professional relationship. It has to go back to the way it was last Monday, when I walked through the door to Floyd’s office and found him there. Otherwise I… it will hurt too much,” Cate’s voice cracked slightly at her last words.

Damnit. Danny sighed. “Cate, are you sure? You can’t deny that there’s a real connection between the two of you.” He gave her a long look. “And what makes you think he’s gonna go along with that? What if he doesn’t want to… can’t… just have a professional relationship with you?” Danny knew damned well that there was no way Jon was going to agree with Cate’s decision.

“Then he’ll just have to be angry with me, or get a new instructor.” Cate said flatly.

Danny looked into her eyes and saw that her mind was made up. Cate was going to put all that stubborn resolve she had into shutting down her emotions. He sighed again. “Okay, Slick, if you’re sure, then you know I’ll support you. But I think you’re making a huge mistake. And don’t expect Jon to give up without a fight.”

“I know.” Cate answered. “But this is how it has to be.”

Danny shook his head sadly, then put his arm around Cate and hugged her to him. “Okay, Slick,” he said softly. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then released her then stood. “I gotta go jump in the shower. Mind cleaning up?”

Cate shook her head. “I’ll get it. You go.”

She watched Danny walk toward the bedroom, then looked back to the window, her eyes again filling with tears. She didn’t like what she had come up with, but it was what she had to do. She had to listen to her head, and to tell her heart to shut up.

Cate felt like she was killing a part of herself with her decision. For most of her life this amazing man had inspired her, had helped her cope with all the good and bad that had come her way, had fueled her daydreams and fantasies. And now that he was here, within reach, she had to push him away.

Choking back a little sob, Cate climbed off her stool and began clearing the breakfast dishes.