Chapter 76 - Without Love

They walked across the road and entered the FTB building. When they approached the locker room door, Cate halted Jon in the hallway.

“Wait a second,” she said, pulling open the door next to the locker room entrance. Jon saw that behind the door was a janitor’s closet. Cate stepped inside and pulled a roll of plastic trash bags from a shelf, then tore a bag from the roll.

“Here,” she said, handing the bag to Jon. “Take off your clothes before you open your locker, then put them in here. You don’t want these to come in contact with anything else. And when you have them laundered, be sure you keep them separate from your other clothing.”

Jon nodded, his lips curving slightly upward as he saw Cate’s cheeks flush while she spoke. He knew she was picturing him standing naked in front of his locker. “Yes ma’am,” he said softly, his voice a sultry growl. “Sure you don’t wanna help me with that?” he asked seductively, raising an eyebrow.

Cate shook her head and pressed her lips together. “No,” she answered firmly. She gave him a direct look. “Jon, if you’re gonna continue to work with me you can’t keep throwing out these little comments and innuendos,” she warned.

Jon held her gaze for a moment, then shrugged, a sly little smile still on his lips. “Okay,” he said simply. “I’ll come to the office after I’m done showering.”

“Fine,” Cate responded. She matched his gaze, blinking silently back at him.

Jon gave her a little smirk, then turned and pushed through the locker room door.

Cate waited for the click of the lock, but she didn’t hear it. She heard a rustling as Jon shook out the plastic trash bag, and she closed her eyes, envisioning Jon stripping down. Her mind went back to last night, to his gloriously perfect body as he stood beside the bed, letting her look her fill. Cate took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Stop it, stop it, stop it….

Hearing the muffled metallic sound of a locker door opening, Cate opened her eyes. Okay, get moving, she prompted herself. She couldn't stand here and fantasize for the rest of the afternoon. Cate turned and walked down the hall toward her office, then decided to detour into the break room for a Diet Coke. She retrieved a cold soda from the fridge, then went to her office.

Popping open the can, she started to sit at her desk, then realized she had forgotten to pick up the papers from her mailbox in the admin office. Cate took a sip of her soda before setting the can on her desk, then started back down the hall to the office at the far end.

When she approached the locker room, Cate heard running water. Jon’s in the shower, she thought, feeling a little surge of lust. She ignored it and continued on to the end of the hall.

She entered the admin office and walked over to the wall where the instructor mailboxes were posted. Cate pulled a handful of papers and interoffice memo envelopes from her box, then turned and headed back down the hall. As she passed by the locker room again she heard something that made her hesitate outside the door.

All night long she spoke to me
She whispered in my ear
Beneath that sweet, soft melody
She said, "Don't you know that a rich man
A rich man might be poor
If money is all that he has”

Without love, there's nothing you can do - oh, oh, oh
Without love, you're not really you - oh, Baby

Jon was singing. In the shower. His voice was muffled but unmistakably sexy, even through the rush of the water and the thick door. And he was singing one of her favorite Southside Johnny tunes.

Cate groaned quietly and closed her eyes, leaning against the wall next to the door frame. She tipped her head against the wall. Dear God, how am I gonna survive this week? she thought as she listened to Jon continue the song.

Cate knew Jon was going to take every opportunity to use his charm, his looks, and his damned sexy voice to try to persuade her to come back to his arms, to his bed. She could prepare herself for those confrontations. But the unguarded, spontaneous moments like this, when she could see or hear or watch him without his knowledge… Shit. These are the moments that are gonna kill me,” she thought.

She was still standing there, letting Jon’s voice carry her away, when she felt the hand on her shoulder. With a loud gasp, Cate sprang away from the wall and spun around, her eyes flying open. She found herself face-to-face with Danny. “JESUS! Danny!” she exclaimed.

Danny gave Cate a little grin, then a questioning look. “Why don’t you go in there and give him a hand?” he asked, dropping his voice to a discrete murmur. “You know you want to. I’ll cover for you.”

Cate’s eyes narrowed, then she shook her head. “Danny, you know I can’t do that,” she answered, a hint of melancholy creeping into her voice. “Not just because I could get busted, either. I told him. We’re gonna maintain a professional relationship only, from here on out.”

Danny cocked his head to the side. “And lurking outside the locker room, listening to him shower, is professional?” he asked sarcastically. “Yeah, sure.”

Cate shot him a dirty look. “I never said it was gonna be easy,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “But you know why it has to be this way.”

Danny shook his head. “Cate, I know you think this is the way it has to be.” He sighed when he again saw the sadness in her eyes. “Look, if you’re so Goddamned determined to do this, then you better get your shit together. You still have a job to do.” He gave her a stern look.

Cate blinked at him for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “I know,” she whispered. “I know. I’m trying.”

“Good,” Danny replied, more gently. “Now get outta here. I gotta change too, and I don’t want you lurking out here listening to me singing in the shower.”

Cate stuck out her tongue at Danny, then gave him a little smile. Then she turned and walked toward her office.

She needed to change her clothes too, but not until after she gave the boys a chance to shower. They had been in the middle of the OC cloud; she just had traces on her clothing. And it wasn’t bothering her, so no hurry. She would try to get some paperwork done while she was waiting.

Cate returned to her office and tossed the pile of paper she had retrieved from her mailbox on the desk. She took a drink of her soda, then sank down into her chair. Sighing, she started to shuffle through the contents of the pile, sorting the papers from the brown envelopes that were used for Center intra-agency mail.

Setting the envelopes aside, she read through the stack of papers, tossing some in the recycle bin and placing the rest in the inbox on her desk. Then she turned her attention to the envelopes. She opened the first three, finding updated copies of schedules and the Center’s Hurricane Evacuation Plan. When she opened the fourth, she let out a little gasp.

The contents of the envelope were from Mo. Encased in a clear plastic page protector was a glossy eight-by-ten photo of Cate and Jon, arms around each other’s waists, smiling at each other. It was one of the photos Mo had taken at the raid house exercise on Friday, when she had the instructors pose with Jon.

Cate felt her heart swell as she evaluated the photograph. Jon looked stunningly sexy in his black raid gear. But it was the look on his face that made her eyes widen. It was adoring, intimate.

Cate looked at her own image and saw that her expression matched Jon’s. It was as if Mo had captured them sharing a private joke, a delicious secret. And their body language spoke volumes. Cate and Jon were pressed closely together, his hand visible just above the gun on her hip. Her face was tilted slightly upward toward his as she smiled sweetly. His chin was lowered just a bit, his lips slightly parted and the corners of his mouth turned upward as he gazed into her eyes. They looked as if they were ready to wrap their arms around each other and share a passionate kiss.

Cate stared at the photo for a long time, then laid it on the desk in front of her. She looked down into the envelope and saw something else there. She slid out a CD in plastic case, and quickly read the note Mo had attached to it. As she suspected, the CD contained the other images Mo had shot on Friday.

Cate shook her head slightly, her eyes going back to the print Mo had sent. She couldn’t even begin to think about viewing the other pictures now. It would just be too much.

I have to get my head on straight, Cate thought, shaking her head again as if to erase her thoughts. In just a couple hours I’m gonna be back on the range with him. And I can’t let things get away from me. Not tonight. Not ever again.

She was startled from her thoughts by the sound of Jon’s voice, down the hall. Cate quickly slid the photo and CD back into the envelope, then slipped it into her desk drawer. She looked toward her office door. Seconds later Jon appeared there, wearing track pants and a Center t-shirt, his hair damp.

“Feel better?” Cate asked, trying to sound normal.

“Yeah, a lot better,” Jon replied. His eyes were still red from the OC, but other than that he seemed fine. He chuckled and walked into Cate’s office, stopping beside her desk.

“That was quite an experience,” he said, giving her a sheepish smile. “I feel like a wimp. I get a little whiff of that stuff and about choke to death, and the rest of you guys are just hanging out, doing your thing, not affected at all by the giant cloud of crap floating around your heads.”

Cate laughed at Jon’s statement. “Nobody thinks you’re a wimp,” she replied gently. “Candy-ass? Maybe. Wimp, no.”

Jon chuckled in response, then moved closer, settling on the corner of Cate’s desk as he had this morning. “Yeah, well…” he said softly. “So, now what? We’re on the range in a few hours, right?” His blue eyes sparkled as he gazed at her.

Cate nodded, looking away from Jon, to the clock on her wall. Here we go… she thought. Jon was giving her that private little smile, using that sexy, soft voice, knowing it would affect her. Knowing it would remind her of the time they had spent alone this weekend.

“Yeah. You need to be back by seven. We’ll be on the same range as last time.” Cate tried to keep her voice neutral, matter-of-fact. She hoped it sounded that way to Jon.

Jon leaned in a little, closer to Cate. “I have to go back to my villa and change. I don’t have any range clothes here,” he said, his voice a silky purr.

Cate swallowed and looked back at his face, meeting his eyes with what she hoped was a disinterested look. “Okay. You should have plenty of time to change and grab a bite to eat. We’ll probably be on the range for about two hours.”

Jon looked back at Cate for a long moment, then silently slid off the corner of the desk. He stepped around behind Cate’s chair. Cate drew in a breath as she felt him stop behind her. Jon leaned forward, moving his lips into position next to Cate’s ear. “Come with me,” he whispered seductively.

“No,” Cate responded, willing herself to stand firm. Jon was doing the same thing he had done to her last night, when he had moved up close behind her, pushed the door shut, and implored her to stay with him. He obviously expected it to work again.

“Come on, Cate…we have a couple hours…” Jon purred.

Cate abruptly pushed herself up from her chair, causing Jon to jump back in surprise. She turned to face him, the chair between them. “No,” she repeated firmly. Cate gave Jon a withering glare. “I told you this morning that I can’t… I won’t… see you outside training. You said you could deal with it.”

Jon was surprised by the sudden hard edge to Cate’s voice. “I can deal with it. Doesn’t mean I want to deal with it,” he responded quietly. “And I told you this morning that I’m not gonna give up on trying to make you see that you’re wrong.” He stared back at her.

“Well, you may as well give up. ‘Cause it’s not gonna work,” Cate replied shortly. “Now, I have stuff to do. Go home, change, and I’ll see you on the range at seven.”

Jon gave Cate a long look, then smirked and nodded. “Okay,” he replied. “See you in a couple hours.” He chuckled softly and shook his head, then moved to the door. He gave Cate one last backward glance, then disappeared into the hallway.

Cate let out a breath, then sank back down into her chair. Crap. This is gonna be SO hard…. She sat there for awhile, thinking, formulating a strategy. Finally Cate rose and headed down the hall to change her clothes in preparation for another two-hour face-off with Jon on the range.