Chapter 78 - Please

Cate’s lips parted slightly as she drew in a surprised breath. She stared at him for a long moment, and he saw a brief flicker of emotion in her eyes. Then she looked away and shook her head. She didn’t say anything in response.

Jon shuffled his feet and looked down at the concrete. After a long, awkward silence, he spoke again, quietly. “So, after DTs?”

“Night fire.” Cate answered, her voice hoarse. “We’ll be on a different range. I’ll teach you how to shoot from cover, do close-in shooting, use a flashlight and night-vision goggles, and a couple other things.”

“Sounds cool,” Jon replied, this time his enthusiasm subdued.

“Yeah,” Cate answered flatly. Neither she nor Jon could bear to look at each other, but each was painfully aware of the distance that had suddenly appeared between them. It was as if the earth had opened up and they were standing on opposite sides of a giant chasm.

Cate breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the range door open. She looked up to see Danny come strolling back in from his smoke break. Thank God, she thought. Both she and Jon needed to get back to work, to get their minds on something besides the awkward sadness of this moment.

Danny raised an eyebrow as Cate met his gaze. He could tell something had happened while he was outside, but it obviously wasn’t a fight. Jon looked as if someone had just kicked his dog, and he saw heartache in Cate’s eyes.

Jesus Christ, you two… Danny thought. They were obviously going to have to work this out, and soon, or Jon was never going to be able to complete his training. He had done exceptionally well tonight, all things considered, to keep his focus on shooting. Danny hoped he would be able to continue, after whatever-it-was that he and Cate had just shared.

“Let’s roll, guys,” Danny said, clapping his hands together. “Lots to get through in the next hour.” Without waiting for a response, he turned his back on Jon and Cate and climbed the stairs to the control booth.

Cate took a deep breath, then looked at Jon. “You heard him. Let’s go,” she said quietly. Cate moved forward to her firing line position and picked up her M-16. Jon followed her lead.

“Alright, we’re gonna start over with the M-16,” Cate said. “You did a little bit last week, but by the time you were done you were so… frustrated…” Her mind flashed back to Jon’s response to her dropping down over him as he tried to fire the M-16 from the prone position. “…that you were lapsing into some bad habits. Tonight we’re gonna undo that.”

Jon nodded, pressing his lips together in a firm line. He was determined to concentrate tonight, to do much better than he had last week. And now, after what had just happened, he was certain Cate would do everything in her power to avoid touching him. I just have to put her out of my mind, just for awhile…

Cate and Jon both loaded their rifles, then sighted them in. Cate had Jon fire one full 30-round magazine at a target for no particular reason other than to allow him to re-familiarize himself with the feel of the rifle’s recoil, and to allow him to find a comfortable grip.

Cate stood back and directed him to fire a couple shots, made corrections to his technique, then had him fire a few more shots. By the time he had expended the last round, Jon did feel a little more comfortable handling the rifle.

As they had done with the PPC course, Cate slowly and deliberately walked Jon through the different tasks that make up the M-16 qualification course. She first had him fire from the standing position, leaning forward and supporting the rifle over a barrier. She explained and demonstrated, then watched Jon as he performed the task.

After he had fired several rounds and seemed comfortable, she added another step. She had Jon fire three rounds, then drop the magazine from the rifle and reload. He easily picked up the technique for the reload, and after a couple times performed the task smoothly and with confidence.

Cate breathed a sigh of relief. So far, so good. Jon seemed to be doing well enough just by watching and listening to her. It didn’t look like she was going to have to get any closer to him than she already was.

She had initially hoped to avoid physical contact with Jon because she knew it would remind her of their intimate weekend. But now she now felt strangely different. The awkward moment between Jon and her during the break had somehow changed things. Now it was as if she couldn’t touch him. Like she had had her chance, and now there was some sort of wall around him, preventing her from feeling his touch or his emotion.

She couldn’t quite explain what had happened, but somehow her heart or her mind had played a cruel trick. Now, even if she wanted to, she didn’t think she could reach him. Somehow he seemed as untouchable here beside her as he had been when she had watched him on a stage across a crowded arena.

Cate blinked and came back to the training. She realized Jon was quietly watching her, awaiting further instruction. She could see in his eyes that he knew she had drifted away. But he didn’t say anything.

Cate took a breath, then resumed her instruction. She explained and demonstrated, then had Jon practice firing the M-16 from the kneeling supported position. After he was comfortable she added the reload task, which he easily performed.

Next, Cate had Jon drop to the ground to perform the supported and unsupported prone firing tasks. She lay on the concrete beside him, at her station, and explained body position, support, aim, and trigger squeeze. Jon nodded along as he listened, then performed the tasks at Cate’s command. As with the other positions, he had little difficulty firing properly and hitting the target.

Shit, Danny was right, Cate admitted to herself. It WAS my fault he couldn’t concentrate. She smiled a little at the irony. Before she had slept with Jon, when their relationship was purely professional, he couldn’t think straight while she was trying to do her job. Now that they had crossed the line, he was fine with only minimal input from her. More proof that he’ll forget about me and move on, Cate thought sadly. The thrill of the chase is over.

Cate gave Jon a little smile as he cleared and safed his rifle, then tipped it sideways to the ground. “Nice job,” she said quietly. “You’ve really come a long way. So, you ready to fire the course?”

Jon nodded, giving her a little smile of his own. “I think so, Teach,” he said softly.

“Then let’s go,” Cate replied. She and Jon pushed themselves up off the concrete, then reloaded their magazines with the long, slender bullets. Cate signaled to Danny to reel in the targets, and he sent the used targets sailing down the track back to her. Cate replaced the paper silhouettes with unmarked ones, then sent the targets back downrange to their proper positions.

Cate and Jon both settled in to fire the M-16 qualification course, in the reverse of how Cate had taught Jon. Danny called out direction over the P.A. as they proceeded; first having them fire ten rounds each from the prone supported then the prone unsupported positions with reload, then directing them to fire another ten rounds from the kneeling supported position. They finished with standing, ten rounds over barricade.

Jon was a little surprised and very pleased to find it easy to concentrate on the course. As it proceeded he fell into a rhythm of firing and breathing, and he had no difficulty whatsoever in discharging all the rounds in the allotted time. By the time he was done, he unwittingly wore a little self-satisfied smirk on his luscious lips. Cate couldn’t help but smile at him. His self-confidence was just too appealing.

When the targets reeled back to them, Jon grinned even more widely. Cate scored his target, and he was proud to see he had passed with flying colors. His grin broadened when Cate informed him that he had done so well that he would have qualified for an “expert marksman” ribbon, if he were in the military.

“Great job, Jon,” Cate praised him. She couldn’t help but chuckle at his excitement. He earned it, she thought.

“Thanks, Cate,” Jon replied softly. He reached out and squeezed her hand. “I mean it. Thank you.” He smiled sweetly at her. “You’re a great teacher.”

Cate dropped her gaze to the floor, blushing slightly. “Thanks,” she mumbled. She looked back up at Jon, holding his gaze for a moment, smiling at the excited twinkle in his eyes. “Alright, we’re done. Time to clean the weapons.”

Jon nodded and turned away to pick up his rifle and ammo can. He followed Cate to the armory and laid the guns on the cleaning table beside Cate’s, then followed her over to a locker to get a cleaning kit.

Cate quietly directed Jon in cleaning and oiling the guns, prompting him about what step to take when he couldn’t remember. Her hands moved effortlessly over her own weapons as she instructed him. Jon noted that she didn’t even have to look down at her hands to reassemble either the Glock or the M-16. She was that familiar with the guns.

He also was painfully aware that Cate was more quiet and subdued than he had ever seen her. She seemed distant, her voice flat as she led him through the process of cleaning the weapons. It was almost as if she was talking to herself, not to him. Jon couldn’t explain what had happened, but he knew it wasn’t good. It was as if she had locked him out of her consciousness.

After Jon finished, Cate took his M-16 and Glock and secured them in their lockers. She directed Jon to clean up his side of the table, place his rags in the disposal can, and return his cleaning kit to the supply locker. Jon did as she instructed, taking a couple minutes to complete the tasks.

While Jon worked, Cate stepped back to the cleaning table and pulled the slide off her Glock. She re-oiled the frame, replaced the slide, and worked it back and forth several times before repeatedly pulling the trigger. Then she picked up a soft yellow cloth and began to polish the weapon, wiping away the excess oil.

Jon placed his cleaning kit back in the supply locker, then turned to look at Cate. She was facing away from him, working at the cleaning table. He stood silently, staring at Cate’s back as she wiped down her Glock.

He couldn’t stand it. He had to reach her, to somehow close this cold distance that had appeared between them. He took a step forward, toward her. Then another. Then another and another and another, until he was so close he could see her hair stirring from his breath.

Cate froze as she felt Jon move up behind her. Her hands dropped to the table, and the gun and cloth slipped from her grasp. Drawing in a deep breath, Cate closed her eyes. She tried to steel herself for what she knew was coming, what she dreaded and yearned for, all at the same time.

Jon placed his hands lightly on Cate’s hips. He pulled gently at her right hip, urging her to turn to face him. Unable to stop herself, Cate complied. She kept her gaze down, away from Jon’s face, afraid of what would happen if she looked up and into his damned hypnotic eyes.

Jon raised his hand to Cate’s face, stroking her cheek, then slipping his fingers beneath her chin. He leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her forehead, then gently tipped her face up to his. He lowered his mouth to hers, sighing at the feel of her soft lips. He felt Cate shiver slightly as he kissed her tenderly, longingly, silently begging her to respond.

Cate was overwhelmed by the warmth of Jon’s lips on hers, of the bittersweet gentleness of his kiss. His tongue slid forward to trace the opening of her mouth, then slipped inside. Cate whimpered softly as she felt herself answer Jon’s invitation, her tongue meeting his. Jon angled his head to gain deeper entry to her mouth, kissing her with more passion.

As Cate felt her body respond, her brain woke up. No! it commanded, reminding her that what she was doing was forbidden. You have to STOP. Cate groaned and slid her hands up to Jon’s chest, pressing her palms firmly against his pecs. She pulled her lips away from his with an audible gasp. “Jon, no…” she whispered sadly. “I.. I can’t.”

“Please…” Jon whispered in response, pressing his lips back to hers.

Cate felt tears spring to her eyes. She turned her head to the side, causing Jon’s lips to slip to her cheek. “I can’t…” she repeated as Jon placed trail of gentle kisses across her cheek and along her jaw. Realizing he wasn’t going to stop, Cate pushed against Jon’s chest, then turned her back to him. She braced her hands on the table and lowered her head, drawing in a deep breath.

“Cate… please,” Jon implored, his voice a husky whisper. His hands moved again to her hips.

Cate blinked rapidly, willing her tears to stop before Jon saw them. “Please leave,” she said hoarsely. “Jon…please… Just go.” She felt him hesitate. “GO!” she said, more firmly, her voice cracking with emotion. She drew in another shuddering breath and closed her eyes. Please, please, please just go…. she begged silently. I can’t take this…

She heard Jon let out a sad sigh, then felt him step away from her. Then he was gone.

Cate stood motionless for what seemed like a long time, afraid to open her eyes and find Jon still there, gazing at her with those beautiful, heartbreaking eyes. Finally she took a deep breath and raised her head. She swiped the back of her hand across her eyes, angrily brushing away the tears that had leaked from beneath her lids. Sensing a presence in the room, Cate braced herself, then looked toward the door. She saw Danny there, leaning against the door frame, watching her.

Danny didn’t say a word. He walked over to Cate and wrapped his arms around her, letting her tears fall against his shoulder.